Posts (page 2)

It took longer to drive here on the freeway than to take my computer concepts final.  I missed two of forty-five.  Nobody likes access, anyways. 

Well, now what?  I have about forty minutes before I need to be back to work and I am on the opposite side of town.

One more final tonight, and then a progress report, and then I will be able to check off the Summer Oh Eight Semester of Doom.  That's a good feeling, and I'm celebrating this weekend with sleeping in until noon, probably some of the office, and then the Floating Lantern ceremony at Woodward Lakes.  I hope this all brings me peace.

I feel so strange tonight.  Perhaps I should blame it on end-of-semester nerves.  Here I am poised, ready to type out my final assignments (a few web site reviews and a progress report) but I am instead squinting at the walls around me, trying to discern where the twinge in my stomach is coming from--trying equally hard not to be down because there is no one to go to warped tour with me, even though, as I said to Chesca, I sort of feel too old to go.  I'm too old to go alone, I think, but in the same vein I can see myself taking wednesday the 14th off in the afternoon and going, dancing to reel big fish, skulking around and getting free stuff and drinking overpriced water.  Those were good times.

My eyes are tired.  It is too easy to sigh.  

perhaps sixteen units was a bad idea for the summer semester.  little setbacks always stress me out.  a forgotten assignment here, half points on a test there, and kaboom.  it's not perfect.  i don't want it.  i'm tired and have too many things to do before tomorrow night.  i don't know how to accomplish them all and it makes me freak out.

i should eat.  i probably won't.  i didn't go grocery shopping today because i have been doing homework all afternoon.  i've literally been sitting here for eight hours and though i am all the way caught up, and now even a little bit ahead, i am still unhappy with myself.  it's not like this stuff is hard and there is no reason i should not perform better, except time.  i can't give everything all the time it wants.  there are literally not enough hours in the day for me to be able to do so.  

so i'll do what i can.  keep up with what i can.  if i miss some, not the end of the world.  i will try to trick myself into thinking that grades do not matter because they aren't printed on the diploma, and i will not freak out if i'm not doing as perfect a job as i know that i can.

i think itunes is telling me to go to the arcade.  i think i might listen as soon as i finish adoring brendan halpin and ordering his books.

these are the words of the summer.

how could I not paperbackswap this book after seeing the title.

nevermind that i only have a passing idea of the subject matter.  mr. delany, don't let me down.  let it be brilliant.

ai.  yet another book to add to the stack of what i want to read in the next five days, before summer session begins.  there are many things that i want to do before that point, but reading has taken priority.  i'm already at 32 books this year.

i want to write a zine again.  i bought clothespins and stuck postcards on the wall, and tanning lotion to help me change colors.  i watched the weather change all weekend and felt so glad for it, that it was matching what was happening in my head.  there were talks.  positive ones.  and stress.  and upsets.  but that is life, and i need to feel like i can bring out the positivity of it without breaking under the pressure of doing so.

there is always craigslist missed connections to make me feel better.

i don't even really have the words anymore.  i feel like a ghost.

since my sister has been gone i have found myself obsessed with anything tropical, with the scent of mango and tangerine, with colors of bright blues and bouncing yellows, ripe orange, with cherries, honey, thick pineapple.  i am more tuned to daily rituals and the luxuriousness of stretching.  i joined a gym, bought candles that are scented like flowers in a jungle, chopped my hair off a la rachel leigh cook in josie & the pussycats, made three artist trading cards, pierced my ears a second time each, bought a self-tanning lotion, have listened to nothing but 2112, destructed my favorite watch for use in art, ate a restaurant where the only english the waitress knew was 'credit or debit,' have lived in black or grey mens' tank tops & dark jeans, and black cloth mary janes.

details, details.

it's never good, when you submit an essay to your english teacher, and immediately after you want to email them to tell them you're really sorry that it is so florid and ornamental, but right before you were writing the essay, you were reading some really good sci-fi and it has just stuck with you.